TODAY I AM... a grandmother. haha, I was at a family function (family being defined as strangers you let in your home. Today we were the strangers) But anyway, I was playing make believe with this adorable little girl who could not have been any any older than 3 or 4, and she said I was was the "grandma". My own mother was the mother and my aunt was the cousin (my grandma was the kitty). I found it terribly amusing at the time, but later on I realized how old it really made me feel. Like I've suddenly crossed over that invisible line of young versus old, us versus them. Like I don't belong at the kiddie table anymore. Like I'm expected to have conversations about family and career with all of the other adults, when maybe I would rather be running in the sprinklers with the kids.
I AM BEING...Calmly excited for the future. My moods have been a bizarre roller coaster all summer long. But now that my time is somehow more limited, I have more focus. I need to pack, get things done. I'm taking small steps and making lists and truly enjoying my time left at home. Sometimes I'm more scared, others more restless. But right now, calm and excited :)
I AM RELEASING...The need to be needed by others. Or I'm trying. I really hate being dependent on people...and especially since I'm leaving, I want to be as self sufficient as possible. So, ties to people I guess. They may still be here when I get back, or maybe not. We'll see.
I AM CREATING...Some drawings. Not as many as I should be doing...but some. What else...endless lists, piles, plans to see people, goals.
WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE IS... how extremely fortunate I am. I have so many people, my parents especially, who care about me and have encouraged and supported me. I also love massages, and I love good Mexican food (aka Carrillo's), listening to good radio programs, smiling in unison.
I CELEBRATE AND NURTURE MY EXISTENCE AS... an artist. Even though I have not painted quite as much as I would have liked to this summer. I think it's pretty much in my bones by now...even though I am a little rusty, it's what I am.
I CELEBRATE AND NURTURE MY EXISTENCE BY... Seeing colors everyday, trying to remember my dreams, eating fabulous homemade concoctions, taking time to read.